Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Power of Mind Reading

“Well, he should know when and why I’m mad.”

In this statement lies one of the great fallacies in relations between the sexes.  Communication, while one of the most basic concepts, remains in a class of the most elusive and difficult to implement. Problems arise as a natural part of life and interaction, but those problems cannot be resolved unless the element of communication is undertaken. Without it, issues may wear a costume of resolution when, in fact, that costume is comprised of 25% neglect and 75% ignore (sold at a store near you)!

Men and women function differently. What angers men may not anger women and vice versa. We possess various triggers, which anger us in a cornucopia of fashions, and a potential inability to initially understand all of the differences is to be expected. However, as interactions progress, so must the involved parties’ ability to increase transparency. Transparency cannot be found in actions filled with guards in an upright position, self-consciousness, or games being played. It can be found in honesty regarding feelings and expectations. Additionally, being transparent promotes finding a match in expectations or detecting where a fit does not exist, saving valuable time, effort, and money in some cases.

Relationships occur in stages, among those: pursuit, exclusivity, and the honeymoon period. Following the honeymoon period, the work begins, and when the work begins, the effectiveness of the communication directly correlates with the effectiveness of the relationship as a whole. As you have heard me say before, relationships are voluntary, so with that in mind, who would willingly subject himself/herself to entry into a relationship with a closed off, semi-transparent person? Would you? What would be the point of that? When things get rough in one's dealings with the other, shutting down is the worst available option because when the involved parties shut down, nothing can get accomplished.
If the relationship is worth having, it is worth working on; so work on it through open, honest communication. Thanks for checking in the GAME with Just GQ! Stay tuned for more updates on by following me on twitter (click HERE)! GOD BLESS!


  1. Very nice post. Let me corroborate some of the things that you noted about "mind reading," relationships, and anger. Very true about significant others "expecting" us to know what they were thinking and vice versa. Granted, the best predictor of future behavior is, yep, past behavior. With that being said, the only way we can technically "mind read" our partners is if we approached relationships scientifically and "measured" their actions and graphed their progress. Is this possible? Sure? I technically mind read folks daily due to my knowledge as a psychologist and being Black for a couple of years now ( sarcasm, I digress); Only then would we be able to definitively say "I can predict she will do this next or that she thinks this when I do that."No plans to do that anytime soon fam; in the meantime, I will stick with the transparency that you cogently noted (another topic, since people report that they are transparent relationally but behaviorally we both know they aren't--maybe you could discuss "why" on an alternate blog). Lastly, anger results when we believe that someone "knowingly, intentionally, and unnecessarily" acted in a hurtful manner towards us. The precursor is frustration which results when we have "unmet expectations" (often unrealistic). Frustration on crack turns to anger based on previous definition. I firmly believe this is powerful since if we are consciously aware of "why we become angry" then this will mark the first step at being able to do something productive with our anger, particularly relationally. Introspection is key folks. No one makes us feel anything, even happy. Once we realize this concept, then we can start being unjacked from the Matrix. I've checked in. Nice post fam.

  2. Thanks for the comment Dr. Chapman! You definitely added a touch of clinical psychology to the post! I agree with your insights, though; I feel that past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior especially if the person has shown resistance or inability to change on a regular basis. I think the core of issues lie in expectations because simply put, unmet expectations render hurt feelings, and born from those hurt feelings is resentment. Great comment!