Thursday, August 5, 2010
I realize I am slightly tardy in my consumption of the contents in this “relationship handbook”, but recently, I overcame my skepticism and read Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady written by Steve Harvey, one of the original Kings of Comedy. Now, I will be the first to admit that my expectations for this selection were not lofty to say the least, BUT as the old adage often does, it proved true that you should never judge a book by its cover; of course literally in this instance.
Some of my followers on Twitter (@GQ50), commented, when I shared my progression through the pages, that the sentiments shared by Mr. Harvey were simply common sense, but ironically, common sense tends to seem less common everyday. Personally, I found the conveyed messages to be pertinent to the female’s comprehension of the often irrational behavior and thought process of men. The relevance of the material to the “tweener” or young adult age group was another shared critique I frequently heard, regarding the book, and while Steve Harvey, a middle aged man, wrote from his experiences and point of view, perhaps less attention should be paid to the minor details of his examples and more funds should be allocated to the overall fundamentals of the message. While scenarios change, the fundamental principles of human interaction remain consistent.
I, humbly, recommend this book to all women searching for understanding regarding the male mentality, BUT when you gain knowledge do overestimate your prior astuteness on the very subject on which you sought further insight. The same way men rarely fully understand women, the same rule applies to you; adherence to knowledge makes ignorance obsolete. To conclude, I will highlight what I feel to be the least understood and, thus, the most vital points Mr. Harvey shared, but before we round the curve and hit the straight away, please know that just because you read relationship books and blogsites, and adopt the practices about which you read: 1) does not mean that a relationship will come from your efforts, and 2) if no relationship is spawned, it is NOT your fault. A multitude of factors in the other party and your desire to interact with the other party affect your propensity of achieving a viable relationship through what you learned. By adopting helpful practices and bettering yourself, you ready yourself to thrive in a sustainable relationship.
1) “What Drives Men”: ‘Who he is’, ‘What he does’, and ‘How much he makes’. These three factors present the roadblock women encounter in their pursuit for monopoly of their men’s attention and focus. I could not agree more. Until satisfactory tracks have been laid in the direction of these three areas, his focus WILL and SHOULD NEVER be monopolized by you. Why would you want to be the only egg in his only basket? What does he bring to the relationship, and what does that say about you if you are willing to accept that? Allow me to serve as interpreter. It says a) I am not looking for anything serious, just attention and/or b) I have low standards; I can be your sponsor. Is that what you truly desire?
2) “Our Love Isn’t Like Your Love”: In this chapter, Mr. Harvey depicts the differences in the methods of love given by men and women. He shares that women “have to stop heaping your own definition of love on men and recognize that men love differently.” Just because his expression of feelings does not match the over-the-top, often mushy manifestation of your thoughts and emotions does NOT translate into “he doesn’t care about me”. Most men exhibit their love, when present, in more subtle, practical manners. Harvey cites professing, providing, and protecting as the actions that demonstrate men’s love. In this matter, I concur to an extent. While true, most men enjoy feeling needed and the actual desire to be needed and fulfillment of pseudo-responsibility could potentially mask these actions as love, BUT that is the exception to the rule because if a man does not want to be bothered with you, he will BY NO MEANS go out of his way to profess you as “his girl”, provide anything but meaningless conversation and empty sex, or protect you from a spider across the room that is not bothering you simply because you ask him.
3) “Men Respect Standards—Get Some”: The title says it all. As many times as I have debated otherwise, it shows pretty clearly that women ultimately control relationships and the speed at which they progress. Men must first gauge what you will allow; if you present and truly maintain stiff standards, the lames will disqualify themselves because their intentions are not strong enough to balance the necessary effort. The sentiments in this frank chapter are echoed in “The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets in Too Deep”; with the five questions being ‘what are your short term goals’, ‘what are your long term goals’, ‘what are your views on relationships’, ‘what do you think about me’, and ‘how do you feel about me’. These questions should draw out the information for which women constantly reach, or at the least give you obvious insight into his psyche and thought process as far as you are concerned.
Furthermore, Mr. Harvey’s literary debut garnered my applause in addition to my recommendation. To reiterate the aforementioned point, you are NOT necessarily to blame for a failed attempted relationship. Two parties are involved, and neither is perfect. A man’s failure to fully value what you offer does not reflect on your quality as a good woman, usually. Not everyone is a good woman, though. I think that should be said as well.
Thank you for checking in the GAME with the Just GQ blog! Tell your friends about the blog when you read it, in fact, your homework is to tell at least 3 people about the Just GQ Experience! See you next time! God Bless Now, Forever, and ALWAYS!
Posted by GQ50 at 12:22 PM