Thursday, July 1, 2010
Men and women both have their proud moments, where you KNOW you are wrong or you KNOW what to do to make a situation improve, but instead of working towards what is important to you, you decide to be spiteful and further the feud. Most of you have seen the blockbuster, “The Break-Up”, starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. For those of you who have never had the opportunity to check it out, allow me to briefly sum it up for you as the subject for today’s Just GQ blog derives from the lessons of this movie.
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn open up the movie as a happy couple, who lives together, but almost immediately, the arguments commence when the pair prepares a dinner party for their families. Both parties enter the house exhausted from a long day’s work. Vaughn picked up lemons at Aniston’s request, but the number of lemons purchased did not match the expected amount. When Aniston complains, Vaughn minimizes her complaint, stating that he does not see the purpose in that many lemons for decoration, pegging it as a waste of money. Following a rather weird dinner (“Gary, on the kickdrum, come, come on the kickdrum.” Lol.), a pile of dirty dishes, which Vaughn claimed he would help Aniston wash, sat in the sink, as Vaughn reclines on the couch to relax a little after dinner. An IRATE Aniston intensely inquires as to why she is not receiving the aforementioned help with the dishes, citing that she wants Vaughn to want to do the dishes. An argument is birthed from a lack of understanding between the two.
At the conclusion of the spat, Aniston hastily breaks up with Vaughn, which she did NOT truly want, expecting Vaughn to grovel and feel remorse for his actions or lack there of. Instead, Vaughn, puzzled by her reaction to a moderate fight, does the opposite and embraces the break up. At this point, the subsequent events include an exchange of “I’m going to show him/her” actions which only drive the couple further apart until apologies are exchanged, but the damage is insurmountable and the couple finalizes the break-up with the sale of their jointly owned condominium.
Sound the horn. Time to CHECK IN!
While the movie exaggerated certain actions of the couple for entertainment purposes, the premise and purpose for the movie mirrors relationship dynamics encountered daily. Man does small things to agitate woman, woman gets mad and overreacts, man does not know why she acts in such a way and retaliates by being spiteful, and the cycle starts. At the core of the problem lies the cause, a difference in perception between males and females. Are men inconsiderate? Yes. Do women overreact about things? Yes. Since both sexes play a role let’s work towards the solution…TOGETHER!
And thus, I present to you…
The Three C’s of Compatibility: COMMUNICATION, CONSIDERATION, and COMPROMISE
Communication: Communication finds itself at the root of problems and solutions; a lack of it where problems exist and an increase where the solution lies. Drawing from the example above, Vaughn performed a number of inconsiderate acts of which he may or may not have been aware. More than likely, he did not behave inconsiderately on purpose because what is a big deal to women does not always hold true with men, so if something bothers her and he seems unaffected, it is probably because he is unaware of the effect it has on her. A man who truly cares about a woman does not want to hurt her. All to often, women will allow things to slide in hopes they will not be perceived as the “crazy girlfriend”, only to have the acts they hate persist, bringing them to a boiling point at which they blow up and fulfill role anyway. And when women blow up, the explosion usually includes an OVER THE TOP threat of some sort, which causes defenses to go up and fighting to ensue. However, if the FIRST time something occurs that she knows she does not like, she brings it to his attention and says, “This is kind of a big deal for me, and I would appreciate it if you did not do that anymore”, he should respect her request, squashing the problem in the process. This brings me to…
Consideration: Consideration for AND from BOTH parties exemplifies an effort of understanding. If you have communicated to the other party what is important to you, then, if that person cares about you, consideration will be had for your feelings, BUT on the other hand, NO ONE likes a miserable person who has a problem with EVERYTHING. Consideration must be given on the other side as well. Communication, while a great practice to add to your relationship, should not be abused as an avenue to make the other party feel as though they can do NOTHING satisfactory for you. When complaints become too plentiful and erroneous, they WILL be ignored. Communicate the BIG things for you, the “deal breakers” (everything is NOT a big thing). If it is important to make your relationship work, you must be willing to…
Compromise: The third “C” embodies the final piece of the puzzle. Once everything has been placed on the proverbial table, a meeting point must be decided upon. Just as in a long distance friendship, where two people will come together at the midpoint because neither wants the other to have to drive the full distance, two parties MUST meet at the Compromise City so that both parties know the levels of effort and care of the other. A feeling of camaraderie should be present as both parties know they are in it together BOTH attempting to make the relationship work. Understand that you need recognize when someone is trying to understand you & meet you halfway. If you push them away for too long, the desire will subside.
Rarely, will people ALWAYS see eye to eye, so in order to make a friendship or relationship work you must be willing and able to talk about what is important to you (communication), think about what is important to the other person (consideration), and find a middle ground at which both people involved can coexist happily (compromise).
Thanks for checking in the GAME once again! I hope this blog has been entertaining and educational! Continue to leave questions and comments, and I will continue writing about what you want! God Bless!
Posted by GQ50 at 1:39 PM