Thursday, May 13, 2010
Joe meets Jane. Joe asks Jane on a date. Joe and Jane go on their date and have a lot of fun. Then, during the next week when Joe and Jane are at the movies, Joe asks, “Where do you see this going?” Jane replies, “I don’t know, but I’m fine with friends, since we are getting to know each other better.” Joe agrees.
Fast forward two months. Joe and Jane are still hanging out and talking regularly, but when Jane calls Joe to ask if he wants to hang out on a Friday night, Joe declines and informs Jane he made plans to go out to eat with Judy. How would you feel?
Typically, Jane would feel hurt, as if Joe had done something wrong by going out with another girl because her feelings had deepened since their initial and ONLY conversation. BUT Joe, in fact, has done nothing wrong because in the conversation regarding the intentions of BOTH parties, FRIENDS was the title upon which Joe AND Jane agreed.
Women, and sometimes men, have the tendency to commit the other party’s feelings to the level of feelings, which they possess. In most cases, as a woman’s feelings grow for the man in which she is interested, she will slowly cut off the other men she had previously entertained as she has found whom she wants. Men, usually, will not do the same, and this basic difference in the mentality of the sexes is what creates, arguably, one of the most frequently encountered topics of disagreement.
Unless, he/she makes a statement declaring a state of monogamy and/or exclusivity, NEVER assume that the other party has stopped talking to other interests. Personally, when I begin seeing someone, I ALWAYS assume the lady is talking to other guys because if I find her attractive, someone else probably did before me, but people set themselves up to have their feelings hurt when they commit their interest’s feelings to the level at which theirs are.
Now, at this point, I know the ladies who have been in this situation before are rolling their eyes and may be bordering on disgruntled saying, “Who does he think he is? Dr. Phil or somebody? I’m not waiting on him!”
Chill before you check in.
Due to societal influences, the abundance of other women/men, OR perhaps a simple lack of readiness in mentality for a relationship, your significant other may INITIALLY be reluctant to jump into a relationship. THE ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do is force him/her into a relationship for which he/she is not ready! People who present ultimatums and other methods of forcing a relationship on their interest set themselves up to either get cheated on and/or be in a 10 second relationship, one in which you will NOT enjoy. If he is worth it, wait, but if he is not, then I think you can deduce what your move will be.
The mentality you SHOULD use, you ask? I will leave you with an often used adage of mine when talking to women about this subject. “A man’s uncertainty can drive a woman away, but a woman’s patience will win a man’s commitment.”
Thanks for checking in the game with the Just GQ blog! As always, it has been a pleasure discussing these topics with you! GOD BLESS!
Posted by GQ50 at 8:50 PM